Really listening

Most people don't listen to understand. They listen to reply. While the other person speaks, the mind is already preparing its retort, searching for a similar example, or thinking about something else.

It's a form of complete absence, and the other person feels it.

Deep listening may be the most immediately transformative mindfulness practice in relationships. Thich Nhat Hanh makes it a spiritual practice in its own right: listening to relieve the other's suffering, with no agenda, no judgment.

How to practice deep listening:

When someone is speaking to you, mentally set aside any preparation of a response. Your only goal is to understand. Look at the person. Notice their words, their tone, what they're not saying. When they finish, wait one breath before responding.

It changes conversations. And relationships.